Maryland Modern Family Counseling
Fertility, Birth and Loss
It seems that more and more parents to be are struggling with fertility problems. The frustration and shattered hopes cycle through as every month passes. Invasive tests and painful procedures can ruin this beautiful, private experience. I’ve heard couples say “if one more person tells me we just need to get drunk, I’m going to hurt them”. Then there is always the, oh so cute, “are you sure you are doing it right”. Humor is only helpful for so long. The meds and needles and endless blood tests aren’t funny. The anxiety and sadness during intimate moments can hurt even more. If you or your spouse is beginning to give up and sink into despair, please don’t give up. Just talking it out in a safe environment without having to hear all the unwanted advice can help you on this difficult path.
Miscarriage and Loss
People don’t talk about miscarriage. In fact, most couples don’t tell friends that they are pregnant until the second trimester. Miscarriage happens in one out of every four pregnancies. Yet it is a well kept secret at a time when women and couples most need the love and support of their community. Perhaps this is because well meaning friends sometimes say the most horrible things “you aren’t going to continue doing yoga the next time are you”? As if you caused your miscarriage by continuing with a perfectly healthy exercise routine.
Losses later in pregnancy are often much more public and traumatic. Friends understand to tread lightly, send flowers and bring casseroles. If you need a quiet place to process the grief in your own time and in your own way, my door is open.
For all the beauty of having a child, the birth process can sometimes be a traumatic experience. Everything doesn’t always go as planned. Women sometimes walk away feeling mistreated in one way or another. Sometimes women, or their significant others feel guilty and internalize the issues that arise during birth. They are plagued by the thoughts, “if only I had done ______ or said ______ , it could have all turned out better”. I’ve come across women who were clearly disturbed and traumatized by their birth experiences even decades later. Nowadays women are not strapped to a table and pumped with mind altering drugs, but the medicalized birth experience is still far from perfect. If you look back on the births of your children with pain and sadness, maybe it’s time to explore and process this hurt more fully
** Want more information? We send out helpful tips and ideas in our monthly newsletter, My Monster Made Me Do It. Sign up now!